Stars shining bright above you (part II)

this'll be short:
dreamed last night that I met the secretary @ my work's son Adrian. He was thin and lanky and quite friendly and wearing a washed out yellow sweater.

so that when he called in today to talk to her, I thought for a second it hadn't been a dream, and then realized it had. I have no idea what he looks like.

Stars shining bright above you (part I)

...turns out I've also been having odd dreams lately. Apparently my brain is doing some wild processing of something or other (could it be the imminent arrival of a little Bowen...?!). These dreams, though, have been slightly skewed takes on fairly inane things.

SO, for instance:
1) last night, dreamt that gas shot up this morning to $1.40/litre. In reality, it just dipped below the dollar mark again. hmn.
2) last week I dreamed that Jen got a new credit card in the mail, and that I cut in half without asking her first.

...? both money dreams, I guess, which perhaps I'm stressed about, what with tax season and all... oh and *loathing* my day-job.

[ADDENDUM:

The issue with the day-job, I'd like to clarify, is that it's boring as hell and it feels like a complete waste of my time and talent... it earns me money, and that's about it.

So why not leave, you ask? Well... I decided, when I started hating it about a month into it, that I wouldn't leave it for another job I'd likely end up hating, but that I'd wait to leave until I had something lined up that I might actually *enjoy* doing.

I have jumped from job to job at least twice because of hating what I was doing, and when my only motivation for leaving is to do something different, it's a bad scene. I need to figure out what I want TO do, and then go and do it. I mention this periodically to my wife, and she reminds me that what I actually want to do is music. Of course the issue with that is that I cannot currently make enough money doing so for it to support us.

Please, if you have any (helpful) ideas or leads, do let me know...]

The Corners of my Mind (part I)

In the last couple of weeks I've been more and more aware of odd memories springing up in my head... unpleasant ones, generally...

and I thought maybe I should start writing them down and see what happens. Maybe there will be themes and motifs and patterns. And maybe not.

But so here we go:

1) I remember playing final recital @ Humber, and what a nightmare it was. The night before, at our rehearsal, the drummer said we should do Coltrane's "Grand Central" tune, which I'd never even heard, let alone played, and he wanted to do it at like 200bpm, so in my foolish naivety, that's what we did. and it blew. We also played Alone Together, which I knew I knew backwards, and we started it fast with just drums and me, and I screwed up the form and got lost, and it sucked too. AND there were maybe four people in the entire huge boomy auditorium, plus the 3 adjudicators. Even thinking about that night makes me want to hide under a rock. I have to do good self-talk and remember that it's not happening right now this moment and that actually I'm here at my desk typing. I get totally sucked in to such memories. wild.

...there will be lots of these. They keep popping up seemingly very randomly in my head, and I feel like a bunch of them are things I haven't remembered / thought about for years, and I'm confused as to why they're suddenly surfacing now. And they're all so *vivid*!

SO.