In the last few weeks, my posts have included everything from personal history, to political meanderings, to poetry, to my music career, and (most recently), to a new worship tune I wrote based entirely on a passage from the book of Psalms.

And this last one may have been fairly surprising to some people.

So... I know I have mentioned it before, but it's worth saying again: I have come through some significant personal changes in the time since I was studying jazz in college. I did at one point say that I am "not the same person," but in hindsight I don't think that's entirely accurate, and so for those of you who know me, I'd like to try to begin to bridge the (perceived) gap between the two Bens:

Turns out I am a man of faith. There were probably only a handful of people at Humber who had any idea this was the case, and certainly an even smaller amount than that who realized just how deep the roots of this faith went. Before marrying my wife, the last major relationship I had actually broke up because of a faith difference (primarily, though there were other issues too): I was simply not able to deny what I felt I knew and believed in order to be with that woman, and so we finally called it quits.

I have a lot of hesitation saying any of this, only because I know what many of the preconceptions are about Christians, but I am - or at least try to be - a Jesus-follower. It's true. Shocker. But what I'd really like, then, is for this not to put up all kinds of social barriers between me and my friends, alienating them because of their ideas of what I "am" or have "become," but for it simply to open up a dialogue about what the hell I'm all about, then. How can this possibly fit in with the Ben we all (thought we) knew? It's actually not that much of a stretch, but it certainly may take some explanation on my part. Am I a hyprocrite? I don't want to be, but unfortunately, in the end, I am with frightening regularity, yes. But the nice thing is that that doesn't actually affect my faith; in fact, it makes me understand it better all the time, as I constantly have to grapple with the concept of grace.

Anyway I think that's it for now. I may come back and begin to explain various facets of what I'm trying to say in later posts, but I just wanted to put that out there: I'm not really that much of different as a person, but it is true that my life has a different focus, perhaps, and that some things that were very clear are now quite murky while others that were grey are now a little more black-and-white. All I ask is that you drop your assumptions and ask me shit before you come to any conclusions.

BT